Me: I think I need this…
Husband: Need or want?
Husband: Not an acceptable answer.
Me: Fine. Want.
Husband: No, you cannot have it.
Me: Why do you always say no to me?
Husband: Because if I let you have everything you wanted we would have 3 houses, 5 kitchens, 16 closets, 8 cars, 10 dogs and 7 kids. None of those will love you the way I do. Let’s enjoy what we have and dream of tomorrow.
Dream of tomorrow.
I don’t think I got that thing I wanted, nor do I remember what it was. However, I have always loved his message; the words just didn’t have much meaning to me until recently.
Three years ago, I began volunteering with a local organization that supports pediatric cancer patients and their families. On my very first day volunteering I met a child and family that would change my life forever. This child never spoke to me but offered up many heart-warming smiles. I never held this child in my arms, but he is forever held in my heart. I watched as the family struggled through many ups and downs. They spent many long, isolated days in a small hospital room and even longer nights. The child’s parents were diligent and careful. They complemented each other well and worked through every obstacle with what appeared to be absolute grace. Even at the end, they never gave up hope. They prayed and pleaded with God for more time.
This child did not die from cancer specifically, but from complications that come along with cancer treatments. Infection racked the tiny child’s immunocompromised body and there were no medicines that could combat the disease. There was nothing more the doctors could do.
I don’t think this family will ever know how they changed my life. I share in their loss and grief, but cannot imagine the degree of their ongoing pain and suffering. I’ll never forget, where I was, what I was wearing, or how it felt when I received the news. This child will forever be a part of me. Maybe one day, I will be able to put into words what it meant to be a small part of this family’s life. Maybe one day, they will know that the end of their long battle with cancer was just the beginning of mine.
So, I chose my domain name and titled this blog with great care. Just Kas, holds many meanings. It came to me one night while I was thinking of the child we lost. But I think it is much more than that…
I have gone by many names in my life and Kas is the simplest. Since this blog is a simple compilation of my life experiences, I thought this was most fitting. I titled this blog Dream of Tomorrow because my husband’s words now hold more meaning than ever before. Because my dream is a tomorrow with fewer cancer-related deaths. It is my hope that by sharing my stories with world, I will make a difference in the life of just one person and in the process take many small steps toward a cure for cancer.